Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself


Monday, March 23, 2009

A Funny

This Dilbert Anti-Depressant cartoon was on my Dilbert-A-Day calendar last week, and I was planning to scan and upload it. Then I discovered the animation! I love it. The second cartoon is good too - "You can either work or get drunk, the pay is the same". I'm managing to laugh at least once a day, and I'm taking that as a major victory.

Dr A rang me this morning to reschedule tomorrow's appointment. I had to trade my hard-fought one hour appointment to a half-hour appointment at 8:30am. He only works part-time, has childcare responsibilities, so I couldn't really argue. Besides I am the high-functioning, pleasant & moderate BPD patient, not the crackpot mentallist, right? I had to book the one hour appt three weeks in advance, though, because he doesn't have many per week, and I cancelled last week cause it was half an hour and it takes me an hour and a half to get there on three buses. I wish I had the nerve to tell him he sucks hahahaha. One day I will tell you about the nightmare that is Dr A. All 6 foot 4, bronzed AngloIndian, devoted father, probably younger than me, in fact definitely younger than me (38). Stylish casual dress, designer jeans. How can someone who is so clearly in control of his life understand me for one second???? He has referred me to a psychologist colleague, MH, so I can do some CBT work with her. The sessions are a fraction of the price of seeing Dr A, and she's closer to me; sadly I had to wait 6 weeks for a slot to open up - it's on April 8th. Until then, and probably afterwards, I will see Dr A once a week. Kaching. Still haven't been approved for disability -- they asked me for paperwork proving the bank balance of the joint account me and Mr Ex had, which he still has and is legally still half mine apparently. I haven't had access to the account for 10 months. Now I've provided that I am praying I get a decision about Sickness Allowance this week.

The novelty of having to ask my parents for every cent I need is fast wearing off. I know it sounds ideal to some people, having parents (well, mother and stepfather) who are prepared to help out. But let me tell you, it comes with its own set of issues and negotiations. I keep a thorough list of what I owe them, and sometimes just to depress myself further, I look at the list and try to remember $5 here, or $2 there that I've forgotten. I've stopped going to the gym because it's $10 per session. My friend has paid for us to go out (movies and bowling) twice now, which is a huge embarrassment as she is ten years younger than me, unemployed, and has major depression herself. How on earth did I end up here???? That's a rhetorical question by the way. Along with "What will happen to me?"; "To medicate or not to medicate?" and "Do blondes have more fun?"


Anonymous said...

Wow we seem to be asking the same questions-- well except the blond one, I quit caring about that years ago. At least once each day (and usually much more), I ask myself the 'How did I end up here' question. I hope the red tape stuff gets worked out soon. Thanks for sharing the video

Wandering Coyote said...

I for some reason assumed you had universal medical care in Oz like we do in Canada. Hm. It sucks hugely. I don't know where I'd be in all my services cost as much out of pocket as yours do.

I know it's hard to get financial help from people - been there, done that myself. But, I believe that you'd do the same if the situations were reversed, just as I believe I'd do if my family were in difficulty.

Jena said...

Thanks for the video, it was cute :)
Asking parents for money is the WORST. I usually get hubby to take care of the finances. Even with my disability pay, I'm STILL earning more than him! :S So if we don't have enough- he needs to find a way to step it up. Maybe that's a bad attitude but I was shocked when I found out how much he was bringing home for us monthly!

Just Be Real said...

Lil, love the Dilbert cartoon. Thanks for sharing!

preciousrock said...

Boy do I understand the frustration, guilt and feelings of worthlessness being dependent on parents and others brings. Without my parents, I would probably be living in my car or walking the streets a raving maniac. Seriously. Just be grateful that they love you and are willing to help. As W.C. said, you would most certainly do the same for them if the tables were turned. Stop worrying about repaying right now and concentrate on getting well. I'm sure that is what they would have you do. Thanks for Dilbert, lol.