Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself


Monday, June 27, 2011

pictures of you

My new profile pic was taken at Roller Derby on the 18th of June. I made some streamers from crepe paper for my team The Bloody Sundaes (who won by one point - yay!).

This is a picture of me and my sweetie taken in Melbourne earlier this year.

Happy Belated US Father's Day. Our Father's Day is celebrated in September, I have no idea why! Here are Neil and Charly sharing a kiss (-:

Just felt like sharing those with you all. In other news, my mood is still low. This morning I did not want to go to work, was dreading it, and all the way here on the bus and train I was thinking about getting off, going to a bottle shop (off-licence) and buying a litre bottle of vodka and then lying down in a park or cemetery somewhere. My bus passes a nice cemetery. It's lush and green and has lots of those very old headstones with the worn-off writing. It looks peaceful in there.

I have two reasons for NOT adding Lamogitrine/Lamictal to my medicinal regime. One, I know it's expensive as it's not on the PBS except if you need it for epilepsy. Recently I found out Sairs from This Lunatic Express is stopping taking it because it's so expensive. SO frustrating when medicine we need is not subsidised by the government. My second reason is that I want to keep Lamictal "up my sleeve" for the next time Cymbalta poops out and stops working. If I start Lamictal now, then what will happen to me in six, twelve months time when I need extra meds??

But I am wondering if the extra Cymbalta is making much difference. I feel perhaps 20% better some of the time. Maybe I just need to give it more time. It's been what...two weeks? Three? I think I need to keep going with it for at least six weeks in order to get the full benefit of the increase. I need to work harder with my thought processes to calm myself and control my impulses.

A good thing that happened last week was my birthday presents from my bestie H arrived from Melbourne. They are awesome!! She sent me this hilarious book called The Action Heroine's handbook, which shows you how to wrestle a man with your bare legs, jump out of a moving train, make molotov cocktails and lots more action heroine stuff. It's great. Another book she sent me is a travel guide for Bangkok as Neil and I are planning a trip to Thailand next November. The parcel included a Hello Kitty furry beanie, Barbie stationery, Bio Oil, a Buddha and heaps more. She is definitely my favourite gift giver! H recently started a blog, by the way, called For The Good, The Bad & The Fugly. Her blogger name is Rainbow B and you should check it out. She's not quite as mental as me and probably will swear more because I try not to in blogland (even though I am a potty mouth in real life).

I went out to the movies last night with my ex-housemate and another one of my BFFs (I have three), Michelle. We saw Bridesmaids and cacked ourselves laughing. It was really funny, and a little crass, and had an adorably cute guy in it. Which always helps! I am incredibly lucky to have my three real-life besties. I thank the universe for them every day. Especially H and Michelle, who both know what it's like to suffer from depression and anxiety. I also adore my blogworld friends, who get me and know me just as well but in different ways. H and I are real-life friends now, but we met in blog world through a Dr Phil website in 2005. So you never know where our awesome blog friendships will end up! I am hoping some day to get to the US/Canada and UK to meet some of my blog pals. And over to the eastern states of Australia to meet up with Sairs and Bec and Miz PRN!


Anonymous said...

Ah vodka & the cemetery, I can dig that.

Miz PRN said...

Hi Lil, sorry to hear you're still feeling low...know that feeling well, and the dread of going to work. I have a poor work record it's a wonder I still have a job, but thank God for a good supportive management. BTW...I'm not in the Eastern States, but live in Perth as well. Just prefer to keep my identity as anonymous as possible.

Pixie said...

Beautiful pictures. Thailand! Wow, that will be incredible. How I long to travel... xxx

Elizabeth A. said...

Total bummer about the lamotrigine. I have to use the generic, but it keeps my waters pretty balmy. Are there any other antiseizure meds that are covered? It really changed everything for me because with it I can tolerate a wider range of antidepressants.

I love the cat kisses.

Catherine said...

Cute pictures!

I am on Lamictal (and Cymbalta for that matter among others) and I find that Lamictal is kind of like a rubber band that keeps me from springing to one extreme or the other, it keeps me sort of balanced. I'm sorry it is so expensive in Australia, in the US it is very reasonable.

I wish you luck and that you feel a bit better soon.

Love, C

Linda said...

I'm sorry to hear you are still feeling low, but you certainly can't tell it from the photos. You look great Lil! And, I'm glad you had a good birthday.

Wouldn't it be a great trip to go around the world spending a day or two with each of your blog friends.

Bec said...

Love the photo of Neil and Charly, it's gorgeous.

I'm sorry you've been feeling low. I can understand how you feel about the lamotrigine. The best cost I have found is $130 for two months (there's 56 tabs in the pack). That is for 250mg. The 50mg tablet is $35 and the 200mg tablet is $95. That is at United Discount Chemists (in Adelaide), which is more than half of what it costs at the 'normal' pharmacy I used to go to. Discount chemists are certainly the way to go. For me it's lithium being kept up my sleeve for when everything else fails.

There must be something about lamotrigine/cymbalta combos, because I'm on both as well (plus seroquel)!

Hope you feel a bit better soon xx