Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself


Friday, June 17, 2011

ain't nobody who can sing like me

The improvement is slight but it's definite. A few days ago I started taking my Cymbalta at night instead of when I wake up, as I thought it might help with the early morning moodiness. Although my sleep has suffered, and I wake up more easily through the night and don't feel as "rested", there seems to be a marked difference in my morning attitude. Whether this is just because the increase to 120mg has started to work (Doc A said it would take a week to feel 10% better), who knows, but I'm grateful for the improvement. I don't feel the dragging, energy-sapping dread upon waking. I'm almost "perky". Well...almost!! I'm planning to continue the evening dose as long as I don't start waking up early (pre 6.30am), start to feel extra tired during the day, or get manic. I'm still averaging seven or eight hours of sleep a night which is less than I usually need but still plenty.

The last couple of days have seen the suicidal thoughts almost disappear. I can't describe what a relief that is, and anyone who has been there will know exactly what I mean. Part of the relief is that I now feel enthusiastic about my upcoming birthday (Sunday 19th). We have some great plans, so I was feeling very depressed about being depressed (LOL). Now, for the first time in quite a few weeks, I feel life coming back into my heart and mind and excitement starting to build. Hooray for turning 41! I have to say, so far being in my 40s has been wonderful (-: Meeting Neil was one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I'm so thankful he has put up with me and continued to be calm and stable and love me through this last bleak episode. I guess it really is true love!

My plans for my birthday are as follows: Saturday night we are going out to watch a Roller Derby bout with some of Neil's friends from work. Then the two of us will go on to a strip club, just for a laugh and to hopefully get in the mood for some hijinks in the bedroom *blush*. We've been to this particular club before and enjoyed some lapdancing; Neil loves the fact that I am openminded and keen on this kind of thing. The girls there are really nice and sweet, and are always extra friendly to women. On Sunday we are going out to the movies to see Super 8 (even though I am petrified of aliens and I think this movie is about aliens!!) and then out for a pizza dinner with my parents. Monday night I am going out with Michelle to see Bridesmaids, which I can't wait to see. I've heard so many good things about it! So all in all I think the next few days are going to be super fun. One of the things I love most about my birthday is my friend H always sends me the BEST presents. Well, last year she was visiting so she gave them to me in person, but as she lives in a different state she usually posts them and isn't it fun to get packages in the mail?? I LOVE it. We are both into the same girly, selfhelp, pink, Barbie, princessy type things so I always love her presents. She spoils me rotten.

I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but thank you SO MUCH to everyone who commented on the last few posts. I hadn't realised that I was having some BPD issues with Neil until your comments pointed it out, so massive thanks. Big hugs to my darling Kate (Lucid Intervals), BPDisme2, Shattered One (Walking the Borderline), Afton (In the Pink), Pixie (Cloud Illusions), Saracide (Borderline Psychobabble), Sairs (This Lunatic Express), Linda (Blue Skies, Cloudy Days), D'Artagnan (Living in Iowa), and a smiley welcome to Lola (Moose Lips Sink Ships) and

I really love Billy Bragg, and he recorded a great song with the band Wilco called Way Over Yonder in The Minor Key (previous post title). The second line to the chorus is "ain't nobody who can sing like me", hence the title for today. The song was used nicely in the recent rom com movie Love and Other Drugs, which starred the gorgeous Anne Hathaway. Did anyone see the film? I thought the themes were interesting, especially how much time, money and energy went into finding a successful drug to "cure" male impotence compared to drugs to cure Parkinsons Disease (and also, I believe, to find cures for illnesses like depression, and other girly things like PMT haha).

That's all from me for now, and I can't help but be hopeful that my positive mood lasts and that the next post will be just as sparkly. Wishing you all love, happiness and peace xx


Linda said...

I am so happy to hear you are feeling so much better.
And, what a fantastic sounding birthday. Seriously, roller derby, pizza, presents, movies, and most of all strip clubs. I've never been to a strip club but wouldn't mind checking one out. Maybe.
So, early Happy Birthday Lil!!!
love, hugs, and kisses

Rainbow B said...

Hello my darling friend!!
I am glad that you're feeling more positive about your birthday :) Your presents will be late this year, I realised when going to wrap one of your little gifts that one of the items was missing from the pack and I haven't had a chance to take it back and swap it over, sorry :( I am hoping though that it just means your good birthday feelings will be streched out for a little bit longer as you'll get your presents later in the week. I'm always up for srtetching out birthday celebrations :)
love you immensely xxxxx

Pixie said...

So glad things are lifting, Lil-love. What a birthday! Only one more sleep ( that right? I can't think what time it would be over there....erm....too much thinking for this time of the morning!) Will speak to you tomorrow, or later today if it turns out the 19th arrives sooner there than here, which it would do, erm, shut up Pixie. :-) xxx

Jen Daisybee said...

Sounds like you have a great weekend planned! I'm glad you're not feeling suicidal anymore. I totally understand what a relief it is when a period like that ends. I hope you have a SUPER birthday at the movies, etc., and Super 8 was great, even though I don't like aliens either. Happy Birthday, Lil!

Melissa said...

It is so good when those suicidal thoughts disappear. They are so stinking oppressive, and overwhelming.

I am glad to hear you are looking forward to your birthday. That is a big deal!

mooselipssinkships said...

Thank you for the smiley welcome :) & Happy belated birthday Lil!