Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself


Thursday, January 7, 2010

I will be your Ferdinand and you my wayward girl

The problem with rejection is that when it visits it brings all it's obscure relatives that you'd forgotten. The cute guy who didn't add you on Facebook, the guy at work who never noticed you, the boy at school who called you a loser...they all come calling when some new rejection rears its head. To clarify, I don't really feel rejected by what's happened, but it did bring to mind other slights and disappointments, and I automatically believed the rejection came from my innate ugliness, weight and self-esteem issues.

Clarification. For the last week and a bit I've developed a great email exchange with a guy from my internet dating site. He's someone special - smart, funny and kind, and I'm planning to meet him next week. The bummer came a couple of days ago when he told me he'd started seeing another woman from the site, and as he's (in his words) a "one woman man", he can only meet me as a friend. Which is great, truly, because who knows if we would have any chemistry anyway. Perhaps this man and I would have ended up as "just" friends, even if we WERE both single. But I was hurt and disappointed that the opportunity is no longer there. We're still emailing every day, and have an awesome connection (SO much in common) and I can't wait to meet him on Wednesday. I felt a bit sad and rejected (that whole "what about me?" scenario) but I'm cool with it now.

I can't even believe I'm the same person I was six months ago. So far this year I've been out almost every day (movies, lunch, coffee, bowling) and I've actually made a new friend. The new medication mix is definitely working for me, and I'm trying hard to not fall back into old patterns (eg: becoming obsessed with my new friend and making my whole life about him). I see Doc A on Monday, so am planning to update him on all this! Good timing, hopefully he can help me to keep up my good work!

(Belle & Sebastian rock today's title, from Piazza New York Catcher - also on Juno soundtrack!)


Wandering Coyote said...

Sorry to hear about this Lil, but I hope you have a good meeting with the guy nonetheless. Who knows? Things may change. I'm just so stoked that you joined a fracking dating service to begin with! I am not that brave!

Laura said...

Sorry that this happened, it must have been quite disappointing. However, as you say, you have a great connection and made a new friend.

Ruby Tuesday said...

mmm ... Belle & Sebastian!

There are so many good things in this post ... the going out, your meds working and particularly the attitude about "not making my whole life about him". I say that because I have, in the past, been very guilty of doing that, even in the early stages of things. It's hard to not latch on to the excitement of potential and opportunities sometimes. I'm glad that your new friend was honest with you, and he sounds like a decent guy. Like you said, you've made an excellent connection. And never say never; you don't know how things will play out.

take care xx

Anonymous said...

You make me smile Lil.

Elizabeth A. said...

Seems you're really keeping your head in the game. YAY good med combo! That's always such a great feeling.

GirlBlue said...

:( sorry to hear that Lil but glad things are going so well otherwise

Borderline Lil said...

You guys are all so awesomely sweet, thank you for the support! I'm still looking ahead to my "friend date" next week, can't wait to hang out with him in person. Will keep you all updated :D

Just Be Real said...

Disappointment is not easy. Glad you are still looking forward to next week though. Blessings to you Lil.

Lady_Amanda said...

That really sucks when you find something that compatiable with you (you said you two have a lot in common) and they end up with someone else. Have you ever listened to Alynassa Morrisote (probably not spelling that right). It reminds me of a song of hers that came out when I was in high school. In it it say "It's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife." I have never fallen for a married man, but I can definatly indefity with meeting a "taken" man. You will find someone, your doing so much socially!