Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself


Friday, January 29, 2010

dude looks like a lady

I have another internet-introduction date this evening, and it's brought with it the requisite anxiety and self-questioning. What should I wear? Hair up or down? Flat shoes or heels (this was easily answered as Bachelor Number 2 is shorter than me). The most pressing question is one most of you can relate to, probably, which is whether to tell, and when and how to tell, Bachelor # 2 about the mentalness. It's something I haven't discussed yet with Doc A, but will, as it's been weighing heavily on my mind. Bachelor # 1, the new friend mentioned in my last couple of posts, doesn't know either apart from a vague reference I made to "stress-related difficulties" at my last job. It's something I want to be able to share, but how on earth do I tell someone new, someone who is just starting to get to know my personality, that I'm diagnosed with a Personality Disorder?? I feel like I'd have a better shot if they really knew me first, rather than freaking them out from the first moment. Obviously this isn't a question that needs answering on Date One, but I worry that a new man will feel lied to and betrayed if this isn't brought up at an early stage.

Would welcome any feedback and advice, as always!

In other news, work plods along comfortably and I'm still having a great time living with Michelle. The weather's been diabolical, boiling hot, and we're suffering without airconditioning at work now as well as at home. Roll on Autumn. I feel like I'm in a "no news is good news" phase, so my apologies for not updating this blog regularly. Apart from the new and exciting/terrifying world of dating, I am in a fairly equilibrious state. That's probably not even a word, but y'all know what I mean. This is a good thing, right, being stable and boring and functioning with all cylinders?? Not to say there aren't days when it's a struggle to get out of bed and get to work, or days when I want to run away screaming, but mostly I think I'm doing okay. There's always that nasty niggling nagging feeling at the back of my mind that says "this can't last", but I try not to listen. Oh how I try...


Lady_Amanda said...

Hey Lil,

I been diagnosed with a mental illness now for over ten years. I have never asked a doctor how to tell people about it, but I have asked several therapists. They all have the same opinion, wait. Wait until the person really knows you. They won't feel betrayed because they never asked you if you have a mental illness. At least I hope they won't. If they do, that would be kind of weird. Anyway, one therapist told me if you tell someone right away they think of you as this mental ill person, but if they know you, then they think of you as a person who happens to have a mental illness! Now I would tell Mr. Right before you dedcide to become monogomous, exculsive, or engaged, but other than that, just give it time.

Thank you for letting me put my two sense in,

Wandering Coyote said...

Well, Lil, it's a first date, right? I wouldn't even go there at this stage of the game. I didn't even go there on my date in Sept. Bear in mind this is a FIRST DATE - it's not a huge commitment or anything! I know you like to jump in with both feet, but wait until you really are comfortable with this guy first. That, at least, is my two cents! I hope it goes well and I am so proud of you!!!!!!