Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself

(Ghandi)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

not somebody who's seen the light

Sometimes I like to do Sudoku puzzles. I always carefully write the answers in pencil, so I can rub them out and start over, but every now and again I just can't solve it and the puzzle ends up illegible - scratched and rubbed raw. No matter how many times I try to erase and rewrite the answers, there are the odd Sudoku puzzles I just have to accept as failures. Draw a line through. Either throw them away, or turn the page and start a new one.

What if a life is like that? Are there a finite number of ways in which I can try to make things work? What if next time I try to reimagine myself and start things over, it's just too late? Maybe the bare bones of my life are so fragile and patched up that I need to draw a line through it and start a new one?

These are the things I think about.

(title from Hallelujah, all versions I think, but my favourite is Leonard Cohen's original)

7 comments:

Just Be Real said...

I too think on those terms some times, but have discovered it is never too late to begin again. Just like with the new morning, a new begining. That is how I approach life, that was given to us and given us a chance to start over again, however many mornings it will take!! Blessings dear one!!!

Anonymous said...

I think the key to overcoming this is not to think how can I start all over again, but what are my successes that I can build upon.

Borderline Lil said...

These are both good points - that every day is a new beginning, and that no matter how much it seems we are starting from scratch, there are always successes to build upon. Much appreciate the feedback JBR and Anon!

Anonymous Drifter said...

As long as there's a breath of life left in someone then there's always hope for change and working out that puzzle.

Elizabeth A. said...

I'm with AD. And it's not really up to us when that last breath is, or atleast it shouldn't be.

tricia said...

Unfortunately Lil you and I seem to run with the same dumb dogs. I can see why I would feel as you so eloquently described, but you my dear child are much too young and have way too much going for you to be in that frame of mind.

It is really hard for me to comment because we seem to have many of the same personality traits and when I type something I can almost hear your reaction to my words. I wish we lived closer because today it would be my treat and we could cry in our beer together. I don't know just what has you in the dumper right now, maybe you don't either, but drag out that wonderful sense of humor and picture this daft old broad sitting here crying because my friend is flying low. My puffy eyes and red nose are not a pretty sight. Big hug to you Lil.

Wandering Coyote said...

Hmmmm...someone else is having deep thoughts these days, I see. :)