Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself


Monday, May 25, 2009


I had such high hopes for part-time work - namely that my two days off during the week would be filled with exercise, socialising, blogging, writing, homework and housework. I'm now two weeks into my new life, and am loving every minute of my job. But the days off have been almost ENTIRELY filled with sleeping and laying semi-comatose on the couch. I think (hope) it's a period of adjustment -- after 4 months of being on disability I had become used to rest being the norm rather than the exception. So when I have the chance, my body is desperately trying to catch up. I'm also dealing with the 3 hours travelling each workday, which means that come Monday and Thursday the LAST thing I want to do is go anywhere.

Other than the tiredness, and lack of accomplishment on my days off, I think I am doing well. Dr A has been in the US for 2 weeks, so I've been "untherapied" but none the worse for it. I'm looking foward to catching up with him and sharing some positive news for a change. I'm getting to do some interesting and challenging work at DF, and most of the time have support and backup whenever I need it. I wish I had found work in the charity field years ago... the atmosphere is completely different. My last job, at the Evil Empire, seemed to be entirely about money and the bottom line. Now, every cent and every atom of energy spent is towards helping people. Whether I'm typing, filing, writing or updating the website -- everything is done with the ultimate goal of helping people. I feel like I'm in heaven. Gush gush...blah blah.

Being part of an entirely female workforce has its downside. The communal lunch stretches from half an hour to an hour sometimes, as people share stories of ex-husbands, recalcitrant kids and horror stories from the news headlines. Mostly, I eat my lunch and then go back to work. I've never been one for group sharing lol. No-one seems to mind, as I pick up the phone while they can keep nattering. Because they are a disparate group of women, I neither fit in or don't fit in, if you know what I mean. They seem to be thrilled to have me there, and use my skills, and have said I am wonderful and capable. Phew.

I really think Dr A has a point when he talks about moderate BPD (the category he puts me in) being helped by the structure and purpose of work (fulltime, part-time or volunteer). He was telling me once that quite a few mental illnesses are made harder to cope with when you add work to the mix, but Borderlines often improve when they can find a healthy work/life mix. I was starting to think he was full of crap, and no doubt not everyone has the same experience as me, but so far I am finding everything easier to cope with now I am working somewhere positive. My last job was definitely a major contributor to my breakdown and illness. But part-time work, and work in a positive environment, is a whole different kettle of fish. I also find that being out of the house, and away from the family stressors, has helped my mood.

In other news, last weekend was exciting because of the two semifinals and the final of Eurovision. I was disappointed in the eventual winner, Norway, who was a sweet enough lad but not one of my favourites. Here are two of my favourites, Portugal (who came 15th out of 25 countries) and Estonia (6th), both of which had completely beautiful and talented ladies out front who made me wish I still lived in Europe:


Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you that you are in a good place. You're probably right that the sleeping will level out. Really I don't think anyone on the planet needs to worry about sleeping because I do enough for the whole flipping world. ;)

Just Be Real said...

Lil, in time the adjustment will fall better into place. Glad you like your job so much! The weekends should eventually be better to adjust. Thanks for sharing dear one. Blessings!

Anonymous Drifter said...

I agree with the others, eventually you'll adjust to your new routine and will not be so tired on your time off. It's wonderful that you've found a job that you enjoy so much. It makes the world of different in our mood.

Wandering Coyote said...

I was once told it takes 3 months to fully adjust to a new job, and I can only extrapolate from that that it'll take 3 months to adjust to a new lifestyle as a result of a new job. So, I think what you're going through is perfectly normal. I'm glad you're enjoying your work so much, that's excellent to hear!

Lady_Amanda said...

I think it's wonderful you can work. Your doc is right about other mental illnesses and working. I have skitosfrania and can't work. I know that's not how you spell it, but I am lazy today. I do volunteer work which is very rewarding so I can relate to you on the charitable work. Stop by my blog and tell me what you think. K?

Just Be Real said...