Betty Blue

Not a stellar day, but not among the worst. Blah. Dr A set me the task this week of going to the gym every day, and the last 3 days I've managed it (and enjoyed it). Today, I couldn't do it... could barely get out of bed, felt generally unwell and not depressed or anxious, mainly tired I think. Maybe the last three days' workouts have taken their toll!! Prior to this week, I hadn't been to the gym for a couple of weeks due to the hideous side effects of the medication withdrawal. So maybe the aches and pains are genuine muscle pain LOL. Anyway!

I just took the day "off" from my daily plan of getting up, showering and taking my supplements before 10am, going to the gym, cooking dinner, and journalling/homework. It sounds like so little, but I know y'all can relate to the fact that sometimes even that "little" is too much to handle.

I stayed in bed and continued my cultural trip through madness and addiction. I am re-reading The Bell Jar as well as a couple of other books, and also rewatching my collection of DVDs and videos that deal in some way with the issues I'm faced with. Postcards From The Edge, When A Man Loves A Woman, Tom & Viv, 28 Days, Bennie & Joon, Mad Love -- I obviously like great hair on my crazy movie ladies. I often say to my friends that my life as a Borderline is exactly like Winona Ryder in Girl, Interrupted except my hair has never been that cute. I'm being glib. But one thing is true, I would rather watch a movie about addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, rehab, suicide than about anything else. I suppose lots of people are like that, preferring something they can "relate" to. While I was thinking about all this tonight, I found a list on the internet of "Movies and Mental Illness" . It lists every kind of disorder and phobia and then lists all the movies which portray these illnesses/experiences. I was gob-smacked at the long list of Borderline Personality Disorder movies. Then I was horrified to see the following nutso female caricatures in the list (none of whom I had previously considered to have BPD):

• Single White Female (homicidal woman obsessed with flatmate)
• Basic Instinct (homicidial woman with a variety of issues lol)
• Fatal Attraction (homicidal woman obsessed with someone else's husband)
• The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (homicidal nanny obsessed with child's father)
• Play Misty For Me (homicidal fan obsessed with radio dj)
• Misery (homicidal fan obsessed with novelist)

These are six of the classic crazy women of film, the characters that are continually referenced in popular culture! And they all end up killed, I think?! I don't know what, if any, actual diagnostic proof the list author has for putting these films in the BPD category. It gave me a chuckle, in a dark and twisted way. A few of the movies in that category are films I've loved and related to over the years - Betty Blue (again with the great haircut), Breathless, Something Wild, Looking For Mr Goodbar. The list author also adds a couple of classics to the mix - Wuthering Heights and A Streetcar Named Desire, amazing and troubled characters for sure but again, BPD? When Gone With The Wind is classified under Narcissistic PD? Made me think anyway...

Oh, and just when I had spent hours analysing this filmography, I found Look Who's Talking on there. Yep, the 1989 comedy starring Bruce Willis as the voice of a talking baby. Ohhhhhhkaaaaaay.........