Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself

(Ghandi)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

All the leaves are brown

I've no words. They're gone like yesterday's garbage. I've had depression and BPD all my life and now for the first time I'm in hospital. The loony bin has me in its harsh and sterile jaws. Admittedly it's a posh, private institution and it's a voluntary admission but I'm still terrified as hell. I'm coming off 200mg of Solian ( antipsychotic ), 180mg of Cymbalta and 200mg of Lamotrigine. The side effects are a hell ride, hence the hospitalisation. I've been reduced to praying for it all to end. I'm writing to you from my iPhone in the middle of a lonely night. I miss Neil and Charly. I want to go home.

11 comments:

♥ Yaya said...

Don't be frightened, you are there to get help. You will be home soon, hang in there and know you are in my thoughts!

Hugs,
Yaya

phonemail2125 said...

Hang in there. I have done the whole hospital gig myself. It is scary at first, but I actually made some friends, crazy as that sounds.

miserableliar said...

Thinking of you Lil. This will pass and soon you will be home with your Neil and Charly. In the meantime have some hugs.
ml
xxx

Borderline Lil said...

Thank you so much guys, your support means a lot xx

amyjosprague said...

I know. Every time I was there I was terrified, but nothing's as bad as your first. Hand in there. It DOES GET BETTER

amyjosprague said...

I nominated you for a Very Inspirational Blogger Award :)
http://ptsdcreativewriting.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/very-inspirational-blogger-award/

Sid said...

It's been a few days since you made this post and I do hope things are better for you now.

d'Artagnan said...

Hang in there! You can overcome this.

XOXO

d'Arty

Nic said...

God Lil! I am SO sorry to hear this. I am sending so much love to you. I am sorry I have only just seen this. I had no idea you were still writing.

You are in my thoughts, hun.

xxx N

Muddy Rain said...

I hope things got better for you in the hospital. We're waiting for an update to hear that you're alright. Love from the blogsphere. x

In the Pink said...

Coming off meds is no joke. I am glad you are in a safe environment while you go through this. My heart is with you Lil. xoxo