Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself

(Ghandi)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

spend your time biting your own neck

(Title from Mumford & Sons Little Lion Man)

It's really quite a challenge to separate my other blog, the weight removal one, from this one. I feel like my journey to fitness and healthy eating is directly related to my journey to sanity. Which is, I suppose, why I am consulting mental health specialists to help with curtailing my emotional eating and bingeing. Which is, I suppose, the battle a lot of us face -- the entertwined illnesses of ED and MH, two evil parasites fighting for control over our mind and body.

Rather than talk in weight, I'll tell you, beloved readers, that in six weeks of this health and wellness program I've shifted my BMI from 47 to 43.4. A downward movement which no doubt will improve my health. I'm still morbidly obese (I kind of like that term...because I AM morbid, in the sense that I'm precoccupied with death LOL) but I'm getting healthier. My goal BMI is probably around 29, which is still overweight but suits my build and my physical health I think.

In general, life has been fairly positive for me since I last wrote. I am planning my vacation to visit my best friend H in Melbourne, which takes place Aug 31 - Sept 6. Three weeks tomorrow - yippee! We are going to eat, drink, gossip and fire each other up in our respective life challenges. I got a fairly large tax refund due to my low income earner status, and therefore am fairly comfortable with money just now. Neil and I are planning a trip overseas next year to Singapore and Thailand, which will be frickin AWESOME and gives me something to work towards with my fitness and saving money.

Apart from a couple of shaky moments, my mental health has been strong. I haven't needed to take Valium for weeks, and the 120mg Cymbalta and 100mg Solian seem to be keeping me stable. I do think the healthier eating has made a difference, and the small amount of exercise. I am hoping to increase my exercise. I've been doing a self-hypnosis/meditation CD that my hypnotherapist gave me which is helping me to sleep, and to curb my overeating. My contract at work has been extended for another couple of months, which is both good and bad. I am happy to not have to look for another contract, but the job is rather boring and I have no friends )-: Basically, aside from the polite hello and goodbye, no-one speaks to me all day. On one hand it's low stress and peaceful, but it kind of drives me mad. After all these months I'm getting bored. And boredom is always dangerous for BPDs.

Things at home are lovely. I adore Neil more every day, and if it wasn't for his slacker teenage son everything would be perfect. But I guess every situation has its challenges! Neil has been super-supportive of my health kick, although he still suggests takeaway now and again. I've been having takeaway occasionally, because at least this way I am incorporating all kinds of food rather than avoiding or restricting too much.

I really do believe that my mental state is a rollercoaster, and I happen to be cruising through an "up" phase. But I am enjoying it while it lasts. It's a relief to feel balanced and relatively positive about things.

9 comments:

In the Pink said...

Things sound so wonderful for you right now....and that is awesome to hear Lil. Congratulations on the weight loss but more importantly I want to say you are doing a great job with assembling many ways to curb your over eating.

It would be so wonderful to take a trip to an exotic place like Thailand...Thai food is one of my favorites. Hope your Up phase continues at a good pace. :)

Sairs said...

Aren't large tax returns awesome!!! I got one too this year and I bought some really cool things and threw the rest into the household for Andy to look after. I am glad too that you are going well with eating more healthy. I have been struggling with mine recently. I have been eating really badly lately . I am glad things with you and Neil are going so well and that you are happy mostly with how things are. Keep going, it sounds like you are doing awesome :)
*hugs*
Sarah

Saracide said...

So glad things are going well :) *hugs*

Just Be Real said...

Dear one I am glad to read that life for you is on an upswing. Always a pleasure and my heart skips when I see a comment from you on my blog, thank you. Blessings.

Pixie said...

You are nothing other than a superstar. Very proud of you xxx P

MRS PRN said...

...you're doing so well on your weight loss Lil, well done!!! Know that feeling...and it only keeps u motivated more. :)

bpdisme2 said...

Congrats on your progress! Keep up the great work and stay positive! You're so inspirational! :) *hugs*

rivercat said...

keep going while you can, yes. as i get older it is increasingly difficult to make progress and reach my goal to be super fit but i will keep trying. my latest setbacks have been a hernia, bad ibs, chronic fatigue and depression but i am slowly finding solutions

Bec said...

Hey Lil, I've just been catching up with your posts from while I've been away. So glad that things are picking up for you. It sounds like you've got some great support at the moment too. Have fun in Melbourne! xx