I wrote a post yesterday which I then deleted. It's the first time I've done that, and some of you have asked about the missing entry. I guess it was clear from the couple of lines you could read that it was a low-mood mopey post, and those reading regularly will know anyway that I've been somewhat under the weather.
Once I'd written the post, I published it and then went to read it over for editing. Put simply, it sucked. It whined on about how attached I am to being ill, and how I feel envious of my blog friends who are currently "worse off" than me (with regards to ED, or being in hospital, etc). Utter crap, something I felt for a minute and then pretty much "got over". One thing I've learnt about myself is that I don't need to give voice to every thought and feeling I have. Some of them just aren't worth the air time. And that's what was going on yesterday. Even if I am feeling low, intellectually I know that I am okay and surviving, and I don't want to be in the grips of a fullblown BPD attack or major depression. I feel extremely sympathetic for my friends who have recently suffered relapses.
Today, I'm mostly just tired and lethargic. But, contrary to what was said in my previous/deleted post, I am not too tired to keep fighting. If fighting the good fight is all there is, then so be it. What are the alternatives? None.