Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself

(Ghandi)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

falling from the heartbeat of this girl

I saw Doc A on Friday, for the first time in over a month - probably the longest stretch I've been "psych-free" since I started treatment in Feb 2009. The session was good, primarily because he validated all the issues I've been having since I went off the Solian (anti-psychotic) and basically advised me to keep doing what I was already doing on my own - namely go back on the Solian and try to maintain mindfulness with my eating and shopping binges. He seemed adamant that I've proven I need the Solian, even in the small dose I'm taking. I think that having a period off the medication, during a stress-free and trigger-free time in my life, was a good "test". I am okay with needing the Solian. It's primarily for schizophrenia, which I don't have, but is also proven to work for BPD and OCD in conjunction with an anti-depressant.

So I have been taking the Solian again for a week and feel markedly improved. My mood is better, I feel less "split" and distracted, I have managed to reduce my binges (both eating and shopping), and overall I am less anxious. Had a great weekend with Neil, finally met his mother which was a lot less scary than I'd imagined LOL, and some more of his friends. Also spent time at my place with Michelle, who gets on famously with Neil. It is such a relief that they are compatible, and there are no issues, as one of the other guys I dated this year, Lloyd, triggered massive (justified) anger from Michelle. He really was a jerk. Sometimes I have to pinch myself, metaphorically, to make sure I'm not dreaming the fact that I now get to hang out with someone as generous, loving, fun and kind as Neil. Did I tell y'all that we met on an internet site that is primarily for sex and hookups than for actual romance and dating?? SO WEIRD. I had grown tired of the metrosexual passive types I was meeting on the traditional dating sites, so put my profile up on a site more "out there" - and ended up meeting one of the few men on that site who actually was after more than just a one night stand. How funny. Neil told me afterwards that he didn't realise that site was known for "swingers" and the like! Jeez, I do love him.

Post title is from one of my fave songs at the moment, Angus & Julia Stone's "and the boys". They are an awesome brother/sister duo from Sydney. Here's the film clip for those who are interested...

7 comments:

In the Pink said...

Congratulations on restarting the med! I am so glad it has improved your mood so quickly. There is no shame in having to take an anti psych med.

Wandering Coyote said...

Wow, I had no idea that the site you were using was for sex & hookups. You really did put yourself out there!

Jen Daisybee said...

I think going back on the med that helped you is a smart thing to do. I wish it was available in the U.S. (for some reason I thought you lived in the U.S.?) but I just read online that it isn't. There aren't very many antipsychotics that I haven't been on, and I really want to find one that does not cause weight gain as a side effect, as do the two I am on right now which caused me to gain a huge amount.

I am glad you have someone special in your life, and I've used websites like that before - years ago, not lately - to see if there was someone who wanted to date and have a relationship, even if most people on those online dating sites are looking for one night stands, because you never know who you may find there. I'm glad you found someone who treats you well and who you are happy to be with.

krystalmc said...

We have a fair bit in common. I am psych free at the momment and i take both and anti-psychotic and ant-depressanta for my BPD. I find this is a good mix. I know that the anti-psychotic i use Seroquel causes weight gain but as i have had weight loss surgery and pretty much bring up everything i eat i havent put on too much weight. I am not sure if i am bulimic my pychologist told me she thinks it has more to do with control? im not sure how that differs from an eating disorder really. I have BPD, Anxiety and Depression and have been in the Mental Health system for about nine years. I am new to blogging and would love for you to take a look at mine the link is:

http://www.thoughts.com/BPDme/blog

Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

Take Care.

Lucida said...

Hi Lil!
Sorry i've been a bit quiet since shifting blogs but wanted to let you know i'm still reading ya and was really chuffed to read this post and hear how things are looking up at the moment. Love is a great anti-depresant when it goes well. Hope this one keeps you smiling for a long time to come. X
Lucida - aka Kate ;-)

Chronic Impending Disaster said...

Lil - I hope I didn't hurt your feelings with that last comment I made on my post on Tuesday in response to your comment. It was meant to be funny. I always appreciate getting comments from you on my sorry-ass love life or anything else.

krystalmc said...

Hiya,
I posted earlier just to update you my blog address has changed. I am still new to blogging and would like it if you would check out my blog the link is:
http://bpdme.wordpress.com/
Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think.
Thanks