Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself

(Ghandi)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Continued improvement in life and mood, which I am glad to experience. My new beau, Anthony, is still proving to be honest and upfront with me, and seems to like spending time with me, and I am trying hard not to hear doom approaching. I wish that for once I could just enjoy something without lamenting its frailties and anticipating its end. I keep reminding myself that the current moment is the only one I know I have for real, for sure, so I should just enjoy it for what it is.

In just 4 days I turn 40, and it really has messed with my head lol. I sailed through turning 30, even as other friends found it hard to transition. But 40 is proving to be a challenge. I am dealing with it by planning a weekend away for my parents and some of my closest friends, which will be fun and a distraction.

7 comments:

Ruby Tuesday said...

Going away for your 40th sounds like a good plan, (I'm intending on going away for my 30th in Oct, which is my way of hiding from it!) In what ways is approaching 40 challenging you, if you don't mind me asking?

Glad things are going well with the new man xx

Wendy said...

I have bipolar disorder II and can empathize with your anxiety, it's part of our genetic make up, esp. when something is new and full of promise. It sounds like you're trying to stay conscious as possible. What has helped me a lot was reading books about Buddhism which is all about being in the now and letting go of attachments to our darkness, easier said then done, I know. Be compassionate to yourself. As far as turning older, it's a mixed blessing. I'm 46 and still grieve and have regrets over what I can't do as well anymore as I did when I was young, but I'm also gaining greater insight and wisdom. There's some beautiful books on older women and how they've found acceptance, humour and self-worth as they've changed.

Jane said...

Oh, I am so happy for you! Yes, we really have to embrace our good moments and allow ourselves to thrive in them, because this is where life is really happening. We want to look back and say, "I enjoyed that." There have been so many times in life that we missed out on. Not just you and I, but everyone at some point, has to learn how to enjoy the good times in life and not be afraid to live in the present. Its something I continue to strive for. It's not always easy. I love reading your posts because I always see this underlying optimism and I know you try to do it too. Awesome :)

Stacy said...

I like you're attitude about being in the moment.
I'll be 39 soon. Can't say I'm stressed out about 40 yet but it does seem very hard to believe. I hope your 40s bring many good things and exeriences in your life.

Wandering Coyote said...

I'm happy to hear you are on the up-swing, Lil.

You go girl! It's great to have a big celebration for your 40th - I totally think you deserve it. Also thrilled to hear you are dating again. How do you do this???? I am too intimidated to try on-line dating! It terrifies me!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday and a wonderful weekend with your loved ones. I'll be thinking about you on Saturday!

Lady_Amanda said...

Hey Lil,

Happy early birthday! My best good friend is forty years old. It's not really that bad if you stay young in your heart! My Grammy always used to say that you are only as old as you feel. She lived to eighty - six years old! Sounds like you have a nice party - get away planned!

I know what you mean about thinking about what bad stuff is going to happen when everything is going good. When I was a day treatment facility my therapist there would say I was feeling like I was "waiting for the other shoe to drop." I know it's hard, but your right you got to live in the moment.

I am so happy for these two good things in your life,
Hugs and blessings,
Amanda

bpdisme said...

Your comment about the present moment is very true and helpful. I hope you had a wonderful birthday! :)