Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself


Thursday, November 5, 2009

six months on, the winter's gone*

My friend Michelle and I submitted an application for a rental house this morning. Very VERY exciting, and also completely terrifying (in the way of all great things lol). Am I sane enough to leave the comfort and safety of sharing a house with my parents? Can I keep working and therefore support myself financially? How will it feel to have to leave my dog and one cat behind, as logistically there is no way my new arrangement can include them? These are all things I believe I can overcome, mostly because there is NO OTHER CHOICE. I simply cannot remain in this state of flux that I've inhabited since I split up with Mr Ex and began the long process of becoming mental. I refuse to get left behind as the rest of the world, and the potential of my life, moves on without me. I feel compelled to get out there kicking and screaming, which may just be a side effect of the atypical anti-psychotic but what the hey...

It's a small-ish, grotty-ish duplex, with two bedrooms, fairly big living area and a small study nook type thing. Crapola backyard. Has my main requirement - a bath tub. One addiction I don't need to get rid of - phew. It's a mauve-lilac purple bath, actually, tres posh. The place also has ceiling fans (bonus, as jeez it's getting hot in here), a new stove, built-in robes and is 30 mins from my workplace. Currently I spent 1.5 - 2 hrs travelling each way, and oh man am I OVER that. There's a lot to be positive about, even though Michelle and I jokingly call it the "Juliette Lewis skanky duplex". It's also extremely cheap - $260 a week (for my O/S friends that's approx 138 GBP, $230USD) which is $40 a week less than most of the places we've looked at. 80% of places in Perth are over $400 a week these days, which still freaks me out. Rents have doubled in the last ten years, and I can guarantee that my wages certainly haven't increased by that much.

Anyway, apart from that there's not much news. My nanna is fairly ill with a pulmonary condition and has pretty much been bedridden all week. Am fighting the guilt about the chance of me moving out and leaving her... I have a bastard head cold, which is annoying me, and it's hot again - yuck. I've been doing well on my current medication (40mg fluoxetine a day, 10mg amisulpride, plus supplements) and Dr A told me last week he was proud of the way I had managed my work issues and was moving ahead. I know he gets paid to "validate the Borderline" but it was still nice to hear. My family are also being extremely supportive, even though me moving out will leave them financially and logistically in a hard place. My mom especially will miss me, as I share cooking, shopping, supporting roles with her. But we are looking to the future, and I need to step out from under this codependency umbrella, ella, ella....

* Belle & Sebastian - 'My Wandering Days Are Over'


Anonymous said...

Getting your own place is so exciting! I can still remember moving away from my parents, it was so good... mum expected me to move back home within months but I never did, that was 9 almost 10 years ago now... :)

Good luck!

Anonymous Drifter said...

Congratulations on getting your own place. It'll be an adjustment but so worth it.

Elizabeth A. said...

Good for you. I have full faith even though that's seems like a fortune. I would have never made it through college at those prices. The most I ever paid back then was $330 a month.

You can do it!! YAY for new phases as scary as they can be.

Wandering Coyote said...

I hope I find a place with a tub, too - I'm with you on how important that is (and I don't care what colour it is). My other MUST in a new place will be a full-sized oven/stove, not one of those apartment-sized jobbies that are too small for any of my pans. I can't imagine baking in one of those things!

This is so great, Lil! I once again have to tell you how proud I am that you're moving forward like this and taking such a huge step, esp. given the risks you mention. I know how it feels to cliff jump, but I think you and I are a lot alike in that we will ALWAYS land on our feet!!

Lady_Amanda said...

Hey Lil,

Sorry I haven't checked in with you in a while. Sounds like things are going great! Moving out on your own is wonderful! That's what I am trying to do. I am on a waiting list for a speical apartment for mentally ill people. I will be at the highest level, with the least amount of supervision. I will live by myself, pay thirty percent of my income in rent, and get checked on by an apartment counselor once a monht.

Baths are really good. Did you metion DBT before because that one of the Ditress Tolerence skills! It's a way to make you feel good for a half an hour or so to deal with things more calmly. I LOVE baths. I do armotherapy in the bath too! Do you like bubble baths and candles? It's heavenly!

Well, I enjoyed your post. My blog is just been updated so stop by.


Borderline Lil said...

@Alison - I definitely think I need to be living independently, even though it's not my parents' home, we rent it together, it still feels like "mum's house" to some extent. Thanks for the visit!

@Drifter - thank you! I think you're right, it will be worth it!

@Elizabeth - it IS a fortune, a quarter of my wages just in rent. Yikes! It's only slightly more than I pay in my current place, though... prices here used to be a lot more realistic. Thank you for stopping by (:

@Coyote - thank you SO much for the words of encouragement, and I definitely think you're right, we are both cat lovers who (like felines) mostly land on our feet!

@Amanda - I am a definite believer in DBT, esp. Distress Tolerance. Baths and candles are two things high on my list. Am going to check out your update now - great to see you again!!