Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself

(Ghandi)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

do you know the one where we all live happily

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry I've been away from the blogosphere, and crikey I have missed you all )-: Contrary to how I sometimes feel these days, I'm surviving and occasionally thriving. Went back to work fulltime two weeks ago and jeez it's been tough. I miss my four day weekends. I miss having a lazy ass job where I was able to write and check blogs every day. But, I am looking forward to my first pay cheque next week and to having enough money to start repaying my parents for all their financial support since my last breakdown in 2009.

I have a job working for a government department, it's fairly basic data entry and it's quiet and that suits me just now. I think going back to work fulltime is hard enough without having to cope with stress or phones ringing and people needing me to help them, etc. Sometimes I feel bored, but that's natural right? Sometimes (often) I feel tired, but given my new lifestyle that's expected, right?

Mostly, I have maintained a positive mood which is probably thanks to the Cymbalta and Solian more than anything else. Life outside work is going well, though there are major changes in my home life to contend with along with the changes at work. Michelle, my housemate, met a nice man six months ago and they have decided to move in together. Awesome for them, but it meant I had the choice of trying to find a new room-mate, trying to live on my own (financially difficult) or moving in with Neil. After discussion Neil and I decided I should move in with him, which I'm both excited and terrified about! He lives with his obtuse and recalcitrant 19 year old son and his small dog, and as you know I am devoted to my moody cat. His house is a lot further out of the city (where I work) and further from public transport. But apart from these minor issues, I think it's going to be great for our relationship and will save me money. Neil owns his home and doesn't want me to pay rent - so I can put that money aside for saving or repaying my parents. I'll obviously contribute to all the bills, but even so I will be a lot better off financially. I love and adore him, too!! So that's a positive environment to be in. It's just a change, that's all, and one that may bring out the worst in me, my mental illness, our relationship, etc. Moving day is April 2nd so wish us luck!

Doc A has been away in Italy at a conference, and I cancelled my last appointment, so it's been about six weeks since I saw him. With all these changes, I could have done with the support. He's stopped doing after hours consultations, so I don't know how I will juggle fulltime work with therapy. But I know I need to try and work it out.

I need to get back to work so I have to be brief. Michelle took her computer when she moved out, so I have no option for reading blogs except lunch breaks at work. I miss everyone so much! I hope you're all hanging in there, and finding some happiness. I will try and check in more often and update you guys.

Lots of love, Lil xx

Post title is from Lisa Mitchell "Coin Laundry".

7 comments:

Wandering Coyote said...

You are moving in with Neil - that is excellent news! I am so happy for you and proud of how far you've come!

Jen Daisybee said...

Lil! It's so great to see you writing again. I understand about the reasons you haven't been able to blog. You have a lot going on. Full time work is something I cannot do, and I know ikt must be difficult for you. It sounds like you've found a good fit in the job you've picked, though, so that's great. Moving in with a boyfriend/ significant other (I hate that term, but some people don't) is a big step. Moving in itself is a big step. I am also moving very soon, and I am a nervous wreck about it and very distraught, because of the circumstances. But I hope that the fact you are moving in with someone you care about is a way to feel good about it. I'm glad you have someone special in your life! Take care, and keep us posted.

⚏ Arlecchino Fluorescente ⚝ said...

:)

Pixie said...

There she is!! Great news about the job and moving in with Neil. Big changes, hun!! I admire you a great deal. Now get your backside back to therapy, Mrs! You need support with these big changes, so make sure you look after YOU too - you are important, don't forget it. Lovely to see you back. Lots of love xxx

Lost Girl said...

Congrats on moving up to a full time job :) I'm currently on medical leave from work due to depression and BPD, and your story inspires me...thank you for that...I am glad I found you...I will keep reading...
http://bpdonamission.blogspot.com/

bpdisme2 said...

I'm just returning to blogging as well. Good to hear that things are going well for you. Hope to read more. Feel free to check out my blog as well: bpdisme2.wordpress.com

Just Be Real said...

((((Safe hugs))))