Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself


Sunday, March 7, 2010

you gotta know when to hold 'em

Lloyd broke up with me on Wednesday night. By text message - classy. And every day since then he has contacted me trying to get me to see him "as friends". I think he probably means the friends with benefits kind of friend LOL. I was devastated at first, I'm not gonna lie, there was sobbing and vomiting involved and many, many curse words. But now I am just confused. He says we get along beautifully, and have so much in common, but there are other contributing factors which mean we shouldn't "go out" as such. He had an argument online with Michelle, my housemate; he says he has not lost as much weight this month as previous months, which may or may not be because he's sabotaging himself because of me (!!!); the "physical side" of our relationship is not working for him (yet he has tried to booty call me twice since breaking up with me)... yada yada yada.

Ultimately, I have come to the conclusion that he just isn't ready for any kind of commitment. In many ways, he is like a 15 year old boy - messy, disorganised, sex-focused, immature - and I think as we grew closer and bonded more it scared the crap out of him. What a fricken cliche!!! I have been so laidback and easygoing, not demanding anything from him in the way of labels or commitments, so I can only imagine the freakout is entirely in his own head. What has really upset me is that he won't leave me alone since telling me it wasn't working. I wish he would just leave me to heal and move on. I am trying to get my head around the idea of going back on the internet dating roundabout and finding someone else, even though it's soon. I think that getting back on the horse, so to speak, might be the only way I stay sane...


Matthew Isaacson said...

Sounds like he's kindof a bum. You're better off without him. Think carefully before you jump back into the dating pool.

Elizabeth A. said...

He just sounds typical. Relationships are all about timing in one way or another. I'd cut it off completely.

And I worry a bit when a male doesn't act like a 15 year old boy 70% of the time.

Wandering Coyote said...

Oh, Lil...I am so sad to hear this - and angry for that idiot for acting in such an immature manner! First of all, breaking up via text message is a shitty thing to do. Then to keep texting you, esp. for a booty call...? You're right, he is a boy - and definitely not worthy of you! I hope you are ignoring him!

You are ignoring him, right?

Kate said...

Well I thought you might have found a good'n there but evidently I was wrong. You don't need those kind of mind games. Get rid.
I'm sorry this has been so upsetting but it sounds like you're coping admirably. It wouldn't hurt to get back on the dating-train prompt. You will find something better. You deserve something better. I really hope the weight-issues become none issues next time round. Sounds like this one was making it a bit of a focus and putting subtle pressures on you.
Boys Eh!
Take care.

Lady_Amanda said...

Oh, I wish I could say I was sorry Lil, but you know what? He sounds like he doesn't deserve you! You ever heard that song "The Broken Road?" My Mom told me the first time I was dumped that the people you date before you find the right person are like stepping stones to the right person. I totally believe that. Lloyd was not right for you and now when you date someone else you could be all like, "Lloyd did that and that sucked, I don't someone who does that." You know like a particular trait that you didn't like in Lloyd? You get back on that horse girl. Lloyd doesn't deserve you and he knows it because he wants to make booty calls rather than be in a relationship with you. And you are going to find someone who does!

tricia said...

Wow! Oh, wow! I have missed so much since I've been away. I am going to go back and read some of your older posts and try to get up to speed. Thanks for coming by my place. I've missed you too.