Surrender or Set Sail

This has been a dark week. I tend to have a hormonally challenged week every month (so rocket science there) and this is it. Which means I am glad I didn't decide to resume medication as the distinction between hormone side effects and chemical side effects could have been blurry. So now I have migraines, upset stomach, irritability and lethargy and no noticeable change of mental health. I'm thinking I will give myself until the end of next week before I start the new/old medication, as this week has not been a good litmus test of anything except the cosiness of my new bed sheets. I went to the gym on Monday, no exercise since then, and have only left the house twice in the last 4 days. But I am hopeful that this isn't a relapse or symptom-related episode. I think it really is just hormones.

I turn 40 next year and am seriously considering my options. I know there is a laundry list of reasons against having a hysterectomy, but quite frankly the argument of hormonal hell and mental instability just doesn't wash with me. It's what I have now, right? And I have to take the strongest contraceptive pill on the market just to semi-regulate my cycle, and the side effects and potential health risks of the Pill are not slight. I will never have children, physically can't (proven by 14 months of invasive, debilitating, expensive and ultimately fruitless fertility treatment) and really have no desire to. I know of a couple of women who chose to have hysterectomies in their late 30s and one even had the laparoscopic procedure, so the physical risk of surgery is lessened. I have plans for major plastic surgery next year, to correct the ravages of gaining/losing 80 kg (170 pounds), but may have to postpone that to pay for the insides to be fixed first. I also need to have some prolapses corrected (again, from gaining weight). Sometimes I wish there was somewhere I could check into and just have it all nipped, tucked, tidied and polished and then voila! Out I come all "fixed"...